Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
