I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
