well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
