after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
