I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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