they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
