btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
