Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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