if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
