Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
