I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
