he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
they need to just BURY HIM!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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