So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
