so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
