I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just sent this text using only my big toe
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize