Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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