Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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