you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
