I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
