Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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