Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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