You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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