i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
