What a fucking waste of an outfit
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
