Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
