My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Randomize
