stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
