Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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