apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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