i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
