The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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