I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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