I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
