I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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