Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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