last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
