wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
