I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
