We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
