Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
