You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
