ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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