I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
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last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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