not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So much rum. So many feels.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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