My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
