she woke up with a sticky ear
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
