he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
