The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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