Can Purell be used as lube?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
