She's JV to your varsity
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
