i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
