Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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