then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
