Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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