Soap is not a condiment
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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