Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Randomize
