Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize