If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
