I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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