If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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