my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
