She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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