im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
