haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Be still, my beating vagina.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
